You Chose Me

Ever After

Pain and sorrow
Through the looking-glass I see
All these memories raging over me
fear, shame, and doubt
Is love really just a dream
Can true love ever look upon me
I thought my heart would be scarred forever, but then I found you
A light from heaven
Why you chose me I’ll never understand
But its me that is holding your hand
You lift me up when I fall down
dust me off and put my feet back on solid ground
your proud even when I fall
You know I’ll always get back up
I’ll climb mountains, swim the deep blue sea all for the sake of you and me
I could never give as much as you have given me.
Sending your son to bleed
all because by Love you chose me

Before and after, Love will always be

 

Meant to know

Meant to know

Imagine you woke up one morning and the world before your eyes changed into a layer of holograms of transparency ever so gently over reality.

Seeing a flower which appears normal yet as you approach and zoom in focusing your eyes you see a fog like veil lift, revealing tiny particles emitting light and reflection. In that moment you are aware of every connection your spirit/mind has and wants to have for future need of a safe point in time.

The closer you fully focus with mind and body time slows and stops, truly if you believe it to be true. Are we not created in the image of  a God that possess such magnitude of Powers.

Therefore a mustard size seed of that magic was woven and molded into this body which is my own given by God. Which is seen as Good. My own good machine of energy in which I can improve in any area. As long as I am reaching and growing towards that 100% perfect Beginning which is you.
There is no true mathematic beginning all there was is the “Light” which came in the form of the “Word”.
Any sound, symbol, or communication through our senses that stimulates the mind to expand with curious learning.
The thought which is used for creation needs to hold a place among our core memories with imagination replaying all outcomes of a single event. recreating a need for an access point to all memories in the newly add variables which were unusable before from lack of faith/what if.
Being centered in allowing your whole being to meld with the mirrors of which are you. Heal yourself by knowing you have the self aware power by healing those in a wanting need of your gifts.

The longer it takes for you to achieve your self aware “Spirit” the more Proof of your Reach amongst the masses will be seen.
The Spirit and the Word is one in the same.
Why had my world changed in such a way that others no longer seem to be able to understand the point of view in which I had been given.  A brain injury changed more then just my point of view. An isolation happened with in my mind a place where i lay waiting to understand all the new information that was urging my mind to consider.  Science never held a thought with in but now I am Seeing an artistic flow in which science is the blueprint but such restriction is placed upon the formulas which was not created with my understanding, so therefore should I not add my understand to the equation which is  I believe “ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE”!
The theory of everything stop and think about what “The Theory Of EVERTHING” truly means to you.
What is everything? That all knowledge seen and unseen. We are but a speck within a black-hole.

In the midst of this hole is a still calm place where we see what we as a group are able to see within each other. Our minds a constant flow of energy  which is linked with one another’s inner spirits.

Using the combined power through out time at that point which is on a constant forward motion. All with in a bubble of charging active core memory Bouncing back and forth like a “charging battery” Keeping that core bubble active causes a self energizing capsule pulling any resembling links towards it for the sake of expanding the reach of the positiveness outcomes it can give.

All through my memories I’ve learned and pratice creating Points of “Safeness” The more Positive safe points that are added through my universe the more protection and confidence is available for modifying difficult memories to be doubled with positive energy all with the meer thought of being “SELF AWARE” and reassuring myself of my simple truth; Anything is possible. This is where my gift of faith allows me to Know everything and anything is available through the start of a curious thought. Knowing everything means nothing if you chose to not follow the paths of understanding. Understanding everything is trusted within my very core that I accept what I see as truth. 
Now that I see God equally a Scientist as much as he is an artist. He enjoys the mechanics and combinations of connections in which he used to create a world were his creation could participate in the making of a truly artistic and miraculous film of life.

Be true to you

He speaks within the simplicity of our daily lives, in any which way you were born to understand. He never wants to confuse or trick us. Only ever wanting to be acknowledged as Perfect Love that has created a friendship that started from the Beginning. He is waiting for us to seek him out and see his fingerprint in Everything from the heavens to the depths of the abyss. Oh, what a cool way of knowing God. The complexity of His astronomical mind has been given to you and me. So why not be curious and learn something new in a direction you never thought twice about.  I choose to see God in the neurons, in the tone of voice, the words I read from eyes of those looking into mine. Oh, how beautiful and magical it can be if you just Believe. 

The Shy Angel

An angel at my gate

A day like every other was the day we met an angel. Walking hand in hand down the alley to our little house protected by 8 foot fences.
We came upon a man sitting by our gate.

He was a short, small old man about the age of 80. His clothes looked as if they hadn’t been washed in my moons. His long silvery grey beard reached down his chest with the tangled look as that of a wandering old dog.

He was covered with dirt, sand, and mud which told the story of how this man was living. On the streets. A homeless man with no belongings was a strange site to see since mostly all the others pushed carts or carried around trashed bags filled with everything they owned. Yet here he was without a thing sitting in the hot Californian sun.  Sweat dripping down his brow as he looked to the ground when he saw us approaching.  (squatting by someones gate is normally not the thing to do)

I said hello with a smile and quickly walked through our gate.
When we reached the house my son who was 4 said, ” mama, can I bring that man some water he looks thirsty.”
How could I deny my sons kind heart of wanting to help a stranger.

I didn’t feel threatened or scared so I said, “sure”.

I made a sandwich, gathered some fruit from the top of the counter and some bottled water.
Then I stopped and thought, he’s gonna get his sandwich full of sand and dirt because of how dirty his hands were. And honestly who wants to eat a sandy sandwich. No one.

So I got a bucket of water and a wash cloth with some soap. My children and I opened our gate.

My son gave him the cold bottled water. He reached out to take the water yet still leaving his eyes to the ground. I handed him the plate of food which he gently reached for shyly.
He was in the middle of talking off his socks and shoes. Which I think he felt ashamed for doing outside my gate.  His feet held the stories of all the many miles he had traveled his life, worn, wrinkled, and dirty as could be.
I put the bucket of water beside him with the wash cloth folded over the rim and a small dry towel over the top.

I assured him he was welcomed where he choose to sit and asked if  he needed help washing his feet since he was having trouble bending over. He looked embarrassed by my request. He spoke in a shaky soft voice telling me I had already done more for him then he could ever have imagined.

We allowed him to wash up in privacy.
Through the gap in gate I saw him wash his face first then hands and feet with the bucket of soapy water. He had placed the towel down on the ground to place his wet feet.

When he was done he disposed of the dirty water at arms reach over some dying plants that needed a drink also.  Folded the wash cloth and gently put them back in place.

As he was finishing his lunch we walked back out to see if he needed or wanted anything more to eat or drink. This time when we opened the gate his head was looking up towards the sun. He had a presence of pure happiness in that moment. We were met with a smile and the brightest eyes that said “thank you”.

I had told him my son had wanted to give him some water since it was such a hot day. He looked at my son and with such gentle eyes said, “hello, I’m Thomas. You are a very brave and kind little boy. Thank you for the water”. My son looked so proud.
We exchanged some small talk which I cant recall much about.  As we said our good byes and wished each other well we left him barefoot and smiling at the sun.

Just as I closed the gate I felt I couldn’t just let him leave without giving him something more.  So I quickly turned around to let him know I would gather a few things he could use later.
I reopened the gate and….he was gone!

All that remained was empty bucket with the wash cloth folded on the rim and the folded towel placed on top.

He was just there a moment ago barefoot. How could he be gone, not even in eye site down the alley. He could barely move yet how could Thomas had managed to walk a football field length out of sight in less then 30 seconds. “What?!”

I was shocked and bewildered, “how could this old man have vanished”.
My son looked up at me with a cheeky grin, “Thomas was an angel.” He said in such a way as if he were saying, “Duh, mom”.

I felt as if we truly did see an angel. He had such a calming presence about him, unlike most people. He was so polite and inviting never asking for anything.

We never saw Thomas before or after that day, but I think of him often.
Why did he choose my gate to rest at when it was smack in the hot sun with no shade. Why us?

I guess an angel doesn’t need a reason to see if your going to lend a helping hand they just show up to see if you will.

So be kind to those you see and allow your kindness to be freely given. For this one day has brought many smiles to my face as well as my son who is now 19 and that alone is so worth so much more than I gave him, Thomas our shy angel.

 

Seeing The Beauty In Faith

Seeing The Beauty         The morning of September 11, 2001 was that of a clear beautiful sky. The sun was shinning as we drove across the country in our little Toyota car pulling a Uhaul that looked like it was constructed in the fifties.
We had left Wisconsin to start a new beginning in our hometown of Oceanside, California. A move we had been looking forward to for awhile.

We were crossing Kansas, an endless landscape of green plains and farming fields. As I looked out at the sight before me I noticed that I hadn’t seen any planes or jet lines in the sky. I have always looked to the sky because my father is a pilot. So seeing no planes was odd.
This was the Bluest most lonely sky I have ever seen, and I knew something must not be right. I was not prepared for what we were about to find out, the US had been attacked.
Fear and worry instantly filled me. I mean, come on, we were in the middle of nowhere. What danger might come about we were unaware, but we prayed we would reach our new home with no real issues.
We weren’t quite sure just how bad things were until we stopped to get gas and the line of cars was unbelievable. Gas prices were getting higher and higher in the smaller towns were drove through only for a short bit, thank God. Then the truth of what really happened hit hard when we stopped at a fast food restaurant. On the counter was an old antennae tv showing the planes hit the twin towers. I can remember the tears welling up as I held my breath. “Could this really be happening”? My husband put his arm around me and simply said. “We can do this”. I looked down at my children and smiled trying to show them all was okay.
So many thoughts were flooding through my mind, some were a little far fetched, like, “Holy shit it’s the end of the world and we might have to eat our little Lhasa Apso dog named Saki, or maybe we couldn’t even get to California….what were our options?”.
I’m sure we all had those weird off the wall thinking before we really knew what was happening. For us, we were on a mission to not only reach our destination but to live in the moment. I wasn’t going to allow the hate of another ruin our memories or taint our new beginning.
We decided to turn the radio off since there wasn’t anything we could do to but pray to change what was happening not just in New York but all over the country. We started singing children’s songs and playing car games so the energy in the car was that of peace and stillness.
After we made the faithful choice to put our trip in the hands of God the journey became that of new eyes. People everywhere were stressed and scared scurrying about trying to buy whatever they could for the fear of being without. Yet we were safe and purely happy in our little bubble.
Yes, I was still thinking of what was the reality of the moment, but it was hard not to have faith. I believe in something bigger than myself.
The next day we had car trouble and had to get our alternator replaced. Money was already tight, but we again had faith. The small garage we stopped at not only fixed the car in record time but did it free of charge because the credit card machines were down. What a blessing and a sign that we were in the hands of safety. Good people are everywhere and their lights shine in the darkest of hours. I am thankful for the all the kind people we encountered during this move. “Thank You”!
Everything had a more colorful vibrancy. This I give credit to my faith.
I imagined the families crossing on the Oregon Trail and being thankful I didn’t have to deal with grandma dying, johnny losing an arm,or  Indians attacking us. (for all of you that know the game Oregon Trail) LOL
Yet, here we were dealing with trials of a different kind, but the common ground I held with the days of the past were that of faith of getting to a new home.

faith

As we stood at a rest stop in Colorado high above the land on top of a mountain I saw more than just troubled times. I saw beauty unlike I have seen before. I was thankful for where we were and wished that everyone grieving could for but a moment stand there next to me to take in the landscape to bring just a moment of joy a moment of the bigger picture.
I was looking at the Land of the Free a land being attacked by hate and ugly intentions. Brave, Free men and women willing to fight for our country and in that moment I knew we as Americans would be okay….We would be also.
Our country is founded on dreams and visions of a better way of life. This one day caused such sadness for millions. It was a day where ordinary people became heroes when they helped their fellow man.
I am forever thankful that I was able to stand on top of that mountain in the fresh air and sun shining on my face. I feel incredibly lucky to have been Given such the pleasure of that feeling.