Love God first

Most of us seem to think that the quality of our marriage depends solely on our relationships with our spouse. This is a logical thought because this is true for most of us. The condition of our marriage tends to go up or down depending on how well we are managing our marriage.

While obviously the dynamics between the two of you are important, there is another relationship that matters even more—your individual relationship with God.

Quite simply, connection with God makes us better spouses. Things come out of us that can even surprise us. Things come of us that surprise our spouse. What are these things? What happens when we love God first and our spouse second?

Galatians 5:22–23 (NIV) contains a list of the fruit we bear in our lives when we Love God First. These are called the fruit of the Spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Those things describe the spouse most of us want to be.

By spending time with God, just like you are doing in this very moment (well-done by the way), something changes inside of you of that radically impacts what comes out of you.

Putting God first allows you love your spouse in a way you could never love them on your own, and that helps you to become… YOUR BEST US.

Action Step

Before you reconnect at the end of the work day, pause and pray the prayer below.

Prayer

God, for the rest of this day, help me to love my spouse in ways that reflect You in me.

Be Established

I am a temple within God?.

No longer will I endure the torment of an image that is not mine. I am meant for freedoms. The past has left a wake of despair but my moment is in the now. What is done in that moment is what will define my next. I am tired of being scared of love. For I have known the ins and outs of a great love and let me tell you… the pain is so unbearable yet some how I find a sweetness deep within just so I am able to say Im ok. But ok with what,.. being in despair, sorry , but fudging flippiddy that.

Love is not a possession to be had but a gift that is shared by actions that have nothing to do with ourselves. Today I choose to give love to myself , to respect myself, to prove myself to me. If that makes sense.

I’m tired of trying so hard to be someone to someone else and nobody to me.

My promise is with God and that makes me smile. In the now. 😃

~sweetlyfiercesoul

Jealous creeps up and then punched me in the gut. 

Jealousy is a horrible feeling. It causes such destructive thinking.  It’s such a weird emotion for me to comprehend. It’s amazing how fast the craziness started to swell with in me when I saw he had befriended his ex on Facebook.  At first I was like Damn she is fine and of course she’s blonde, blue eyes, is a pro diver in Hawaii has had kids and still in a bikini. Wtf.   But why did these emotions get so strong like I need to be worried….I mean come on it’s is ex from when he was 18. 

Maybe it’s the fact that she was a friend to him when he was learning how to be a man. 4 years in your teens is basically the time where anyone you meet is going to be important in your life.    She helped shape the man I am married to today. For that I thank her. Even if he says he hates her…..why oh why is she on his friends list then.  I can understand  20 years of curiousity  and wanting to see into someone’s life……I feel stupid for thinking this way. 😏  

Where’s The Parents Union Rep?! I Need a Vacation!!!

Being a parent is confusing and relentlessly exhausting.  I enjoy each and everyone of my kids.

They are unique in every way. So how am I suppose to parent? What worked for one does not work for the others.  Then I have the older ones telling me I love the younger ones more because they see the discipline doesn’t fit the behavior. Oh my lordt. 😑 What works for one child doesn’t work for the others.  It’s my job as a parent to analyse, decipher, create, and put into action what will work for each child.

 

felix

Felix

With my oldest son felix [19]

 

 

 

Felixs art

Watercolor by: Felix Castro

felix artwork

Artwork by: Felix Castro

I explained life like a video game.  He understood the concept of levels and challenges to get to the Boss level.   How some areas in a person’s character needed attributes in areas they were lacking. He actually understood it in a way that he did amazing through his teenage years.  He overcame many situations with the idea of wanting to get to the “boss level”. When he was younger and would throw a fit, I would tell him to draw.He used his art to overcome his emotions.  Now he’s on the path of using his art.

He is kind and thoughtful to everyone he meets. That alone is the biggest most important lesson he could have learned!

 

bella and I

Me and Ysabella

Then there is Ysabella [oldest daughter,17].

When she was a baby she hated having her hand-held. She always had to do things herself.  A bit like myself in that way.

But again I tried to explain life the way she would understand it. She is so eager to move out and start her life. So I basically said….”you want to be an adult then, let me see it. Stop acting like a spoiled little girl and start working towards your goals“. I gave her much more freedom as long as she can follow a few simple rules. So with her I had to give freedom and trust.

Be home by curfew, leave a note if your leaving, dishes two days a week, make sure school work is done, and be kind to everyone in the house. She is so empathetic and loving.

😉 she got a great job at the hospital, is doing great in her online high school and is acting much more reliable. (fingers crossed)

image

Lilliana

 

Which brings me to the third child. 🤔

Lilliana [13] going on 45. She walks in everyday from school and announces herself, “Mama, Golden child’s home“. No joke, everyday.

So you see where I’m going with this one. 😶

I haven’t figured her out yet.  You would think after 13 years I’d understand the way she ticks…..

She is smart and she knows it. She has always been very grown up in the way she reacts, which scares me at times.

So why can’t she just do the damn dishes. How am I suppose to teach her responsibility.  Her biggest issue today is not doing her two days of dishes. So I gave her the weeks worth…..ugh, again there are dirty dishes in the sink. WHY…..

She comes home from school and sleeps. Then wakes up at midnight does her dishes and home work then back to bed. So technically she is still doing her job, but….she’s a tricky one. The only leverage I have is Wifi.  She gets All A’s in school but needs the devices for school so I can’t take them away. Oh, I  miss the good `ole days before technology.

She truly is Golden….She has so much love and brings the best smiles!

 

That brings me to the younger two.

the brothers

The Brothers

Oliver [8] and Remi [6]

Boys…..need I say more. 😜 They get away with everything.  Probably because they watch YouTube and learn everything they need to know. Plus they are so darn Cute! The energy on these two could light a city up!  I’m exhausted.

So….now that my little rant is over

 

I am just letting the world know, I NEED A VACATION!!!  I haven’t been away from the house in over 5 years.  I love my family, I love being a mom, but I really, really  could use some R&R. Wheres the Parents Union? Wouldn’t that be nice!

Hello….HR Lady…..where are you?

~sweetlyfiercesoul

Why so Hush Hush?!

hush hush of sex

Sex.

I can remember I was in third grade as a bunch of us huddled around the dictionary in our private christian school as we looked up the word sex. We giggled and whispered thinking of so many more colorful things this word could mean. Then our teacher turned the corner and we all felt instant shame as we blushed trying to hide the Webster Dictionary.

Her face was so gentle and calm as she explained that sex was merely the way of determining gender, male or female. Which she proved by showing us the definition. That seemed to be enough for the rest of the kids as they each went to their desks, but for me, I was puzzled. I knew I wasnt being told the whole truth.

Why did I feel shame at being caught looking up a word that seemed to be so “hush-hush” but according to my teacher meant something so clean-cut.

sex is not a dirty word

I grew up being taught that sex was connected to shame. The words I remember my mom using to describe this word/act the most was “nasty” and “dirty”.   It was drilled into me that sex was for marriage which a wife then submitted to her husband. Yet the bible I was told to read was riddled with metaphors of sex being beautiful and spiritual.  And if it was meant for marriage, why was I, at such a young age already questioning the facts I were told to be true.

I had been sexually abused as a child yet I never felt a complete alienation from the act itself. I knew I held power over the persons that wanted my body for their own satisfaction. I would end up going into a dream like state during the act itself. Maybe I disconnected from reality completely and that’s why I continued to be intrigued.  I was introduced to porn by the age of 4 and yes, I can still remember the images I saw from those magazines. To me I saw beautiful strong  women who caused men to bow to their will. I saw art.  It didn’t click till later what I was actually seeing.

The sexual abuse did mess with my mind  in a way that is not like most.  I wasnt fearful or scared. It was more of an annoyance because it seemed inevitable that it would happen again and again simply because I was a girl. At the time I found comfort in the attention. I was always longing for a more meaningful connection which I would get a glimpse at but in the end I was left behind in a state of confusion.

Living with divorced parents caused a deeply rooted disconnect with how I perceived a loving relationship between the world and myself.

I was a hardcore people pleaser growing up. Which would later make it hard to say “no”  in my teen years.  In the times I wanted  the sexual advances I found that I wouldn’t allow myself to say “yes” or “no” aloud. It was easier to give myself for their pleasure in the time they wanted. In that decision, I would find myself safely in that welcomed trance where nothing could touch me and in that place I found comfort. This may have been a safe place for my mind, but it did nothing for helping me with healthy sexual thoughts.

I seem to split into two. I separated my mind from my body. Two completely different entities shut off from one another.  One was that of a complete restful sleep and relaxation knowing it would be over soon. The other was watching from above seeing the complete unworldly joy in the one getting pleasure from my body.  As for me, the pleasure I felt was not physical but mental.  The curious thoughts that would go through my head were more like a scientist watching an experiment or an artist creating a masterpiece. In those moments I didn’t see shame I saw pleasure, but why wouldn’t I allow myself to get lost in the physical pleasure as well?.   Was there really something wrong with how my mind understood how sex was suppose to be perceived.
we

Why was it me that was seeing sex so differently from those who were suppose teach me and help me to grow into being a healthy adult.

And why did it bring so much shame to the world around me? Why did my body clam up whenever the subject came up yet wish I could somehow communicate the truth going on inside me. Which was I liked sex, but maybe I saw through their eyes and not my own.

Why didn’t anyone want to tell me the truth about this hidden God-given truth!

That Sex is Good.

Love your sexuality

I guess I wanted to write this to show myself  I am not ashamed of sex, but that I still have questions on why no one wants to share their sexual stories of real life. Where is the safe haven to teach that sex is okay to think about and that shame and guilt need not be present to accept ones own sexuality.

I, like everyone who has a pulse, some way or another enjoys the feelings of being aroused, in their own way.  It has the ability to lift our spirits and clear our minds.  A scientific fact, yet not many want to tackle this subject.

I’ll just leave this here. 😉

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Day I Found You

The sun was shining as I drove down the strand.

There you were in your board shorts covered in sand.

As I came to a stop you extended your hand.

Right there in that spot I knew my heart would forever be in your hands.

You’ve loved me all these years in spite of all the tears.

Our past may have a lot of trash but our love is gonna last.

We may not know what tomorrow holds but we both promised we would be forever bold.

We walk this world together.

Upholding a life which is so much better.

You, me and God makes three.

Forever circling eternally.

So on that day of sand and light.

It’s you My Love that I hold tight.

Always and Forever