The Sock That Saved Me

Start Over.

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We must think anew and we must act anew where Abraham Lincolns words as he was facing the greatest crisis that this nation has ever endured: the Civil War.

New thought, new action- how simple that sounds and how difficult it truly is yet so rewarding. Changing the pattern of thinking to meet new conditions  or new challenges depends on you.

One day I was walking through the house and came upon a lonely sock just laying on the floor. Now, I deeply stood above the sock thinking of the different ways I could change my way of thinking towards this sock that ultimately needed to be picked up anyways. Why was this moment so clear on how I could fix myself by how I reacted to this stupid sock.

My normal incorrect response to this sock would have been to just step over it knowing I would have to pick it up later along with the other items that have accumulated on the floor from my children being kids.

For the first time in a long time, I truly wanted to pick up this sad looking sock, it wanted to be cleaned and safely tucked in with its mate to be worn a new day.

I used this vision to put into action my “act anew” lifestyle. From that day forth I changed towards who I wanted to be. I lost 100 pounds naturally and healthy which I had fun doing. I was proud of how my growth brought me to such a life changing moment. All within a moment that included a single plain sock and me both upon a cluttered floor.  We all need to find a switch of change within ourselves. The first step is changing one thing….anything

Hiding Within Myself.

Broken down into tiny pieces unable to be whole again-cracks and chips keep me from being used completely.

How sad I am. That I am the only, still unused but abused version of me.

How many more days must I endure this feeling of emptiness?

Dark and Alone all broken in and out.

Doesn’t someone still see the beauty which I could be?

If only someone took the time and patience to truly restore the hidden me.

I know God is watching and asking me to be patient to trust that He has a plan.

Even here in my alone place of brokenness. A place where I know He will mend me and not just fix me but He will Create a whole New Me with the broken pieces in my hands.

I ask and ask…. yet I feel sad because no help is being sent to aid with the dents of my persistence..

Here I will wait within the safety of my hurts and pains….waiting for the day  when my Brokenness turns into Brilliance. For then I will share the Joys of of Hiding within Myself.

For it was in this place I FOUND The Beauty I was meant to be.

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Hiding Within Myself. Artwork By:TheSweetlyFierceSoul

 

I know it’s in “one” of these notebooks…

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I’ve been writing in notebooks, journals, pocketbooks, napkins, or anything at close hand when an idea strikes for the past twenty years.  Its amazing how well I do remember writing a certain idea down. I could tell you where on the page I wrote it, or what color pen I used. Why is it that I can’t remember where i put the dang notebook?!

Having children does not help this crazy disorganized problem.

Mixed within the pages are drawings and writings of all five of my children. Memories of joy and troubled times entangled with the latest masterpiece of a three year old, “Which I might add is colored over my writings”.

I’m learning that my mind is so much like these notebooks. Little tid bits here and there are always fresh and easily remembered, but the stuff that needs to be worked on is safely tucked away next to some random piece of knowledge I cant quite seem to link together to get a full picture.

Emotions and feelings change in the form of words only because we’ve been told to label what we feel. What if the label we’ve been giving our own feelings  isn’t the correct one for us personally. What happens to our thought process when this is done? Maybe I am just different and its time to start labeling “my” memories for me.  I’m sure so many others have no problem with memories or emotions and the day to day life that flows with each. But for me, who is an Empath at the highest level…..I struggle with finding the true “me”.

Having Empathy is like being an on call Concierge. My mind is always showing me visions of what others are in need of. People I don’t even know, their needs jump to the top of the list making my own needs hidden within theirs.  I’m so frustrated with not knowing what i want until someone else is in need. Example:” I haven’t had a drink of water in awhile but I am not thirsty until I get my child a drink of water because they are thirsty, and then when doing this i realize Holy Crap I’m so thirsty….as I drink like a camel from the kitchen sink”

“I know being a young mother at the age of seventeen hasn’t helped this situation at all, but how and when does a mother finally start thinking of herself without the shame of being selfish…even if for just a glass of water. Something so easy yet so hard because of the misguided labeling of my own feelings.”