In This Era of technology, in this atomic age, the values have changed.
We have learned that we are the guests of existence, travelers between two stations.
We must discover security within ourselves.
I see so many people looking for approval by how many likes they have on their daily social media posts.
Hoping that maybe today they can feel secure within their skin, they are putting their security in others.
During our short span of life we must find our own insights into our relationships with the existence in which we participate so briefly.
Otherwise we cannot live.
This means, as I see it, a departure from the materialistic view of the 20th century.
It means reawakening of the spiritual world, of our inner life of religion.
I don’t mean religion as a dogma or as a church, but as a vital feeling.
Accept others just as they are. Most of all, Accept yourself …… for you, hold the whole world within you.
Be great in all that You are!
Jesus said it best….Luke 9:48 ~The Message
“You become great by accepting, not asserting. Your spirit, not your size, makes the difference.”
I’ve been pondering over the many years of research I have done and why I am still lagging on putting the information in a recognizable order. It would seem as if I am making it harder on myself than it truly needs to be. Why? Self sabotage has kinda been a hinderance in my life. When ever I am really good at something I tend to cause a wrinkle for myself. Am I scared of losing what I am so good-by the hand of someone else…maybe. Or am I chicken shit? hmmm also maybe. As I look at my bookshelf filled with notebooks of my notes and what would seem useless to anyone other than me, holds true gold. Knowledge of me finding myself within a digital age. Years where I didn’t leave the house because I was trying to cypher the inner workings of a passage that caught my eye…. I think I enjoy the Quest itself. Maybe the reason why I am unable or unwilling to write out what I know is fear of someone saying my quest was a waste of time. Thinking this truly hurts my heart. As it would any artist, musician, or author. This is a SHITTY feeling. Wow…. I don’t want to be scared of someone not understanding or not believing what I create. I want to be bold and unashamed of the ideas and thoughts that are constantly rushing through my veins. Thats when I read this passage from Elbert Hubbard’s Scrapbook. He brought me back to a place where for a moment i dont feel so alone.
Keats’ dream of ” a very pleasant life.”
” I had an idea that a Man might pass a very pleasant life in this manner: Let him on a certain day read a certain page of full Posey or distilled Prose, and let him wander with it, and muse upon it, and reflect from it, and dream upon it: until it becomes stale– But when will it do so? Never– When a man/woman has arrived at a certain ripeness in intellect any one grand and spiritual passage serves him as a starting-post towards all the ‘two-and-thirty Palaces’ How happy is such a voyage of conception, what delicious, diligent indolence !”
Keats’ Explained perfectly how I am feeling….that delicious bounce of joy when something hits a sense that causes everything within starts firing rapidly. I waited for this to get stale and fade away, but it has only gotten strong and more focused. This is what It feels like for me when I find some sort of knowledge that interests me. Seeing from all points of view without judgment or fear just following the imagination and what might be left out from what is already known. I start backwards.
So I say again. Maybe My dream is the Quest. The quest of wanting knowledge and answers where others say there is none. What I truly know is, ” I Have a Dream!”
Sometimes it feels as if I am a figurine that is kept on the shelf or still in its box for fear of being broken or damaged.
When I was a child my grandma would send me christmas presents like the Holiday collectors Barbie and Cabbage Patch Kids. My mom wouldn’t let me play with them because she knew they were expensive. So she would pack them away in her hope chest.
After much pleading and many years later she finally allowed me to have them. Of course they got dirty and a little roughed up, but they brought so much joy because they were a gift meant for only me. They filled my time with imagination which made me smile.
The Gifts I have been given that reside deep with in are feeling the same way. We are all given something special that was meant for only us to cultivate and grow into something that we then spread to the world in service. In doing this we then share our gift to the world.
Which is our way of saying Thank You to God. ~sweetlyfiercesoul
Being a parent is confusing and relentlessly exhausting. I enjoy each and everyone of my kids.
They are unique in every way. So how am I suppose to parent? What worked for one does not work for the others. Then I have the older ones telling me I love the younger ones more because they see the discipline doesn’t fit the behavior. Oh my lordt. 😑 What works for one child doesn’t work for the others. It’s my job as a parent to analyse, decipher, create, and put into action what will work for each child.
With my oldest son felix 
I explained life like a video game. He understood the concept of levels and challenges to get to the Boss level. How some areas in a person’s character needed attributes in areas they were lacking. He actually understood it in a way that he did amazing through his teenage years. He overcame many situations with the idea of wanting to get to the “boss level”. When he was younger and would throw a fit, I would tell him to draw.He used his art to overcome his emotions. Now he’s on the path of using his art.
He is kind and thoughtful to everyone he meets. That alone is the biggest most important lesson he could have learned!
Then there is Ysabella [oldest daughter,17].
When she was a baby she hated having her hand-held. She always had to do things herself. A bit like myself in that way.
But again I tried to explain life the way she would understand it. She is so eager to move out and start her life. So I basically said….”you want to be an adult then, let me see it. Stop acting like a spoiled little girl and start working towards your goals“. I gave her much more freedom as long as she can follow a few simple rules. So with her I had to give freedom and trust.
Be home by curfew, leave a note if your leaving, dishes two days a week, make sure school work is done, and be kind to everyone in the house. She is so empathetic and loving.
😉 she got a great job at the hospital, is doing great in her online high school and is acting much more reliable. (fingers crossed)
Which brings me to the third child. 🤔
Lilliana  going on 45. She walks in everyday from school and announces herself, “Mama, Golden child’s home“. No joke, everyday.
So you see where I’m going with this one. 😶
I haven’t figured her out yet. You would think after 13 years I’d understand the way she ticks…..
She is smart and she knows it. She has always been very grown up in the way she reacts, which scares me at times.
So why can’t she just do the damn dishes. How am I suppose to teach her responsibility. Her biggest issue today is not doing her two days of dishes. So I gave her the weeks worth…..ugh, again there are dirty dishes in the sink. WHY…..
She comes home from school and sleeps. Then wakes up at midnight does her dishes and home work then back to bed. So technically she is still doing her job, but….she’s a tricky one. The only leverage I have is Wifi. She gets All A’s in school but needs the devices for school so I can’t take them away. Oh, I miss the good `ole days before technology.
She truly is Golden….She has so much love and brings the best smiles!
That brings me to the younger two.
Oliver  and Remi 
Boys…..need I say more. 😜 They get away with everything. Probably because they watch YouTube and learn everything they need to know. Plus they are so darn Cute! The energy on these two could light a city up! I’m exhausted.
So….now that my little rant is over
I am just letting the world know, I NEED A VACATION!!! I haven’t been away from the house in over 5 years. I love my family, I love being a mom, but I really, really could use some R&R. Wheres the Parents Union? Wouldn’t that be nice!
Hello….HR Lady…..where are you?
“Her wounds of silent tears
showing those of us who love her,
That her sweetly fierce soul is
forever growing”. ~sweetlyfiercesoul
“O wad some Pow’r the giftie gie us to see oursels as ithers see us!”
“Sometimes we find a clue in some chance remark made by an old friend.
Maybe something we’ve read sparks a glimpse of who we really are.
Fleeting thoughts which we meditate on through out the day
Bringing us closer to who we are.
Bit by bit self-knowledge grows.
An Awareness of all things, “self”
It does not come easy and perhaps this very awareness of the difficulty sustains us,
Spurs us on toward the ever receding goal.
For the self-knowledge we seek
rising above our social vanities and pride and the impressions we make is a full-time, lifelong job.”
“I deserve Beautiful visions.
I deserve Love.
I Validate Myself.”