So proud, and pure, and free!

 

Oh what a wonderful feeling to be the wild thing of the woods….. yes.

SONG

 “O, like a queen’s her happy tread ,

And  like a queen’s her golden head!

But O, at last, when all is said ,

Her woman’s heart for me!

We wandered where the river gleamed

‘Neath oaks that mused and pines that dreamed.

A wild thing of the woods she seemed,

So proud, and pure, and free!

All heaven drew nigh to hear her sing,

When from her lips her soul took wing;

The oaks forgot their pondering,

The pines their reverie.

And O, her happy, queenly tread,

And, O her queenly golden head!

But O, her heart, when al is said,

Her woman’s heart for me! “

“Song”  by William Watson

My mix on crossfader inspired by this Poem. https://www.crossfader.fm/mixes/so-proud-and-pure-and-free-thank-you-and-your-welcome-np/

Musing The Quest.

I’ve been pondering over the many years of research I have done and why I am still lagging on putting the information in a recognizable order. It would seem as if I am making it harder on myself than it truly needs to be. Why? Self sabotage has kinda been a hinderance in my life. When ever I am really good at something I tend to cause a wrinkle for myself. Am I scared of losing what I am so good-by the hand of someone else…maybe. Or am I chicken shit? hmmm also maybe.  As I look at my bookshelf filled with notebooks of my notes and what would seem useless to anyone other than me, holds true gold.  Knowledge of me finding myself within a digital age.  Years where I didn’t leave the house because I was trying to cypher the inner workings of a passage that caught my eye….  I think I enjoy the Quest itself. Maybe the reason why I am unable or unwilling to write out what I know is fear of someone saying my quest was a waste of time. Thinking this truly hurts my heart. As it would any artist, musician, or author.  This is a SHITTY feeling. Wow…. I don’t want to be scared of someone not understanding or not believing what I create. I want to be bold and unashamed of the ideas and thoughts that are constantly rushing through my veins.   Thats when I read this passage from Elbert Hubbard’s Scrapbook.  He brought me back to a place where for a moment i dont feel so alone.

Keats’ dream of ” a very pleasant life.”

” I had an idea that a Man might pass a very pleasant life in this manner: Let him on a certain day read a certain page of full Posey or distilled Prose, and let him wander with it, and muse upon it, and reflect from it, and dream upon it: until it becomes stale– But when will it do so? Never– When a man/woman has arrived at a certain ripeness in intellect any one grand and spiritual passage serves him as a starting-post towards all the ‘two-and-thirty Palaces’ How happy is such a voyage of conception, what delicious, diligent indolence !”

Keats’ Explained perfectly how I am feeling….that delicious bounce of joy when something hits a sense that causes everything within starts firing rapidly. I waited for this to get stale and fade away, but it has only gotten strong and more focused. This is what It feels like for me when I find some sort of knowledge that interests me.  Seeing from all points of view without judgment or fear just following the imagination and what might be left out from what is already known. I start backwards.

So I say again. Maybe My dream is the Quest. The quest of wanting knowledge and answers where others say there is none.  What I truly know is, ” I Have a Dream!”

Why?…. So Many Signs i See..

Today I am pondering over how my thinking may hinder others because of how abstract my thoughts are. Is this a good or bad thing to creatively force others to question their reasoning. Curiosity would be one word to define me. I question and rework mostly everything I see. I calculate and truly think about why I am doing something when it’s within the routine of my life. I notice signs everywhere….From the colors that are worn by others, the song playing on the radio, the randomness, to what line in the grocery store I happened my way into. In the most simple of ways I find the answers to why. Simply by asking “why”.    These two YouTube videos  which I found this past weekend made me feel as if maybe, just Maybe….I am on to something big with how I have been able to connect my memories and meld them with memories that are like a machines. hmmmm…..but how to write…. TO BE CONTINUED….!

Know I choose the beauty of the word “why”…it can jump into our imaginations and give the most delightful visions of the very definition of beautiful (Be-U-fruitful).“~sweetlyfieresoul

Risk It

(To be so open and free within ones self, to allow the music to flow. Risk it).. ~sweetlyfiercesoul

“Every cell is transforming

And returning to original concepts to construct
And then I started to shapeshift
And the animals within me grew tails and the talons

I hitched a ride on the back of a whale
To the darkest of the ocean and ate off the bottom
And then I traveled dimensions
In the places I rode upon elephants and zebras

Elephants and zebras

Well I dreamed of my future big time, yeah
What it would be like to always have clean water
And if you left the trees standing
And they filtered the air and we breathed it in deeply
Well I traveled across Native America
I saw the sickness taking form in all the small children
Well if I could give you my people, yeah
Well a piece of my peace will be with you always
If I could give you my people, yeah
Well a piece of my peace will be with you always

Be with you always
Be with you always

I never thought I needed medicine but I was spiritually dying
I needed some healing
So I opened my mouth and took a dose of the music
Then I stopped and prayed for guidance now teach me to use it
I prayed for guidance yeah teach me to use it
I prayed for guidance now give me the music

And it definitely matters how you look at it
And it definitely matters how you look at it
So if you think you can risk it, well
What an opportunity to be free of it
Well if you think you can risk it, well
What an opportunity to be free of it

I heard, I heard yeah the wild horses
I were blazing trails through uncertain territory
I take a toke and reflect with coyote
I were dreaming up new ways to bring the outcasts home
I take my place in the choir
I was singing the songs of freedom and progress
And we’re delivering the babies yeah
And we’re building up the next seven generations
Said we’re delivering the babies yeah
And we’re building up the next seven generations

Seven generations
Seven generations

I never thought I needed medicine but I was spiritually dying
I needed some healing
So I opened my mouth and took a dose of the music
Then I stopped and prayed for guidance now teach me to use it
I prayed for guidance now teach me to use it
I prayed for guidance now give me the music

And it definitely matters how you look at it
And it definitely matters how you look at it
So if you think you can risk it, well
What an opportunity to be free of it
Said if you think you can risk it, well
What an opportunity to be free of it

Mouthing off
Such aggressive behavior
I’m sounding off
Holding my temper
It comes in waves
My enemies swim close to me
My heart’s displaced
Connected to such bravery
My hunger waits
I cannot swallow, I cannot swallow
I am all over the place
My spirit bellows, my spirit bellows
I am on my way
My body follows, my body follows
Written on my face
Well do not follow, do not follow…me”

The Message that helped me find my voice again.

Since I am having one of those days where I feel I need to be brave and just rip the band aid off. I feel as if I am among friends which I thank you all for.

Here is a video of my daughter (13) and I singing.

We were having dinner at grandmas and she wanted me to hear her play this song she just learned. We didn’t practice it and its no where near perfect but its perfect to me. We did one take and this is it.

It’s amazing how we send ourselves messages without even knowing the impact it will later have on our lives. I see this and know that I am on the right path. I am saying something now.