The Canvas 

There is something incredibly real yet magical when staring at a blank canvas. Knowing it will soon be filled with “happy accidents”.  Not just from the paintbrush strokes alone but from the mind. 

The emotions felt before the paint even hit the blank canvas, frustration had started. A few deep breaths and a sigh of release I freed my mind and just went for it.

I sat down after the initial color was placed… staring at the blurred color which hadn’t even been in my thoughts ,yet here it was staring me in the face. What the fuck am I going to do with this.  I was dumbfounded with how many emotions raced over me with such a simple decision. So just like life I just moved forward and kept going. 

With each new color or flick of my wrist a sense of control was shared.  I wanted to let go of the need to make something beautiful, something that makes sense,  what I think my art should be, and just feel myself in my moment.  

Blaming base coats for being to thick, paints for being to thin, the lighting being to  bright, the room being to cold or the tunes that are interrupted by a low WiFi signal were just a few things trying to make it to the canvas in a frustrating way. 

Little by little the picture changed, and of course in a direction I was blinded to.  The inportant part was…. I wasn’t going to walk away from something that I knew was me. Even in all the frustration and ridiculous thoughts, my art was sitting in from of me asking , “please see more”. 

Life is one in the same. Shit happens. Colors like people and situations are painted upon our minds making its way onto our canvas’ of life.  We have choices to make in which we should want more of ourselves. 

Fear should not hinder the art. Do I see mistakes or choices I wish I could alter or change, maybe,  but I worked through to find what was needed. Even turning the canvas in the direction it was calling me to feel it.

No, this painting isn’t finished … it’s started.

That’s what’s so amazing . 

~Shawnna

Risk It

(To be so open and free within ones self, to allow the music to flow. Risk it).. ~sweetlyfiercesoul

“Every cell is transforming

And returning to original concepts to construct
And then I started to shapeshift
And the animals within me grew tails and the talons

I hitched a ride on the back of a whale
To the darkest of the ocean and ate off the bottom
And then I traveled dimensions
In the places I rode upon elephants and zebras

Elephants and zebras

Well I dreamed of my future big time, yeah
What it would be like to always have clean water
And if you left the trees standing
And they filtered the air and we breathed it in deeply
Well I traveled across Native America
I saw the sickness taking form in all the small children
Well if I could give you my people, yeah
Well a piece of my peace will be with you always
If I could give you my people, yeah
Well a piece of my peace will be with you always

Be with you always
Be with you always

I never thought I needed medicine but I was spiritually dying
I needed some healing
So I opened my mouth and took a dose of the music
Then I stopped and prayed for guidance now teach me to use it
I prayed for guidance yeah teach me to use it
I prayed for guidance now give me the music

And it definitely matters how you look at it
And it definitely matters how you look at it
So if you think you can risk it, well
What an opportunity to be free of it
Well if you think you can risk it, well
What an opportunity to be free of it

I heard, I heard yeah the wild horses
I were blazing trails through uncertain territory
I take a toke and reflect with coyote
I were dreaming up new ways to bring the outcasts home
I take my place in the choir
I was singing the songs of freedom and progress
And we’re delivering the babies yeah
And we’re building up the next seven generations
Said we’re delivering the babies yeah
And we’re building up the next seven generations

Seven generations
Seven generations

I never thought I needed medicine but I was spiritually dying
I needed some healing
So I opened my mouth and took a dose of the music
Then I stopped and prayed for guidance now teach me to use it
I prayed for guidance now teach me to use it
I prayed for guidance now give me the music

And it definitely matters how you look at it
And it definitely matters how you look at it
So if you think you can risk it, well
What an opportunity to be free of it
Said if you think you can risk it, well
What an opportunity to be free of it

Mouthing off
Such aggressive behavior
I’m sounding off
Holding my temper
It comes in waves
My enemies swim close to me
My heart’s displaced
Connected to such bravery
My hunger waits
I cannot swallow, I cannot swallow
I am all over the place
My spirit bellows, my spirit bellows
I am on my way
My body follows, my body follows
Written on my face
Well do not follow, do not follow…me”

Light of Love

Light of Love

 

 Twilight was misty and cold in California that night as I stood outside my father’s house. I was 16 holding only a small brown leather purse with a few dollars. I Stared at the unlit door, knowing once again I had disappointed my family.  I thought about what would happen once I walked in late for curfew once more. 

My step mother would yell and a call would be made to what ever part of the world my father happen to be for his job.   I could imagine the look on their faces; disappointment and Anger.  But it was the faces of my younger half sisters that caused me to delay walking in.  

Knowing they would hear the fighting and be awoken from their dreams. That me,  their bigger sister had been the cause of their life turning upside down for the past 8 months since I moved in. 

Right then and there I decided to walk away.  Where would I go?

My grandmother lived just across the Street yet I had once already been dragged from her house. Being told my home was through that unlit door. 

 My mother and step father 3000 miles away.  What was I doing?

In my twisted teenage mind, I thought I was saving them. Saving them from myself.  The only way I knew to protect their hearts was to remove the problem, which was me. 

So into the night I walked without saying goodbye, without looking back.

  My heart-broken for the house light that wasn’t lit. 

If they only knew just how much that light would have meant to me.

 Maybe. Just maybe I wouldn’t have followed the street lights that promised a home.  

~SweetlyFierceSoul

 

 

Visions of You

Visions of you

Artwork by: Sweetly Fierce Soul

Sharp deep pain

High bright noise

I see you swiftly moving like the wind

The vision of you in sight

Everything slows down

Down so deep within 

Shaking the ground beneath

Such intense fluidity

Perfect pitch

You bring

At peace you bring my soul

A whisper is heard

A heart grateful

The dawn ahead

Noises return until I rest my head

 

 

A Glimpse

A Glimpse

Artwork by: Sweetly Fierce Soul

 Hurt, deep scars and dried blood burns the core of my being.

Rips me open, yet still I walk on through all that is umknown and unseen.

A glimpse of freedom.

A glimmer of air.

A feeling of unfamiliar wind.

Light bounces off my toes as I dance.

Circles I turn, forgetting my worries.

Clouds rumble above.

Raining tears.

Flooding from pasts I see.

Soon my dancing becomes heavy.

 Floating no more.

Pushing through the memories.

Yanking out my souls pain.

 Releasing myself from scars.

Being who I was meant to be.

Free of shame for what used to be.

Again I dance once more.