I’ve been pondering over the many years of research I have done and why I am still lagging on putting the information in a recognizable order. It would seem as if I am making it harder on myself than it truly needs to be. Why? Self sabotage has kinda been a hinderance in my life. When ever I am really good at something I tend to cause a wrinkle for myself. Am I scared of losing what I am so good-by the hand of someone else…maybe. Or am I chicken shit? hmmm also maybe. As I look at my bookshelf filled with notebooks of my notes and what would seem useless to anyone other than me, holds true gold. Knowledge of me finding myself within a digital age. Years where I didn’t leave the house because I was trying to cypher the inner workings of a passage that caught my eye…. I think I enjoy the Quest itself. Maybe the reason why I am unable or unwilling to write out what I know is fear of someone saying my quest was a waste of time. Thinking this truly hurts my heart. As it would any artist, musician, or author. This is a SHITTY feeling. Wow…. I don’t want to be scared of someone not understanding or not believing what I create. I want to be bold and unashamed of the ideas and thoughts that are constantly rushing through my veins. Thats when I read this passage from Elbert Hubbard’s Scrapbook. He brought me back to a place where for a moment i dont feel so alone.
Keats’ dream of ” a very pleasant life.”
” I had an idea that a Man might pass a very pleasant life in this manner: Let him on a certain day read a certain page of full Posey or distilled Prose, and let him wander with it, and muse upon it, and reflect from it, and dream upon it: until it becomes stale– But when will it do so? Never– When a man/woman has arrived at a certain ripeness in intellect any one grand and spiritual passage serves him as a starting-post towards all the ‘two-and-thirty Palaces’ How happy is such a voyage of conception, what delicious, diligent indolence !”
Keats’ Explained perfectly how I am feeling….that delicious bounce of joy when something hits a sense that causes everything within starts firing rapidly. I waited for this to get stale and fade away, but it has only gotten strong and more focused. This is what It feels like for me when I find some sort of knowledge that interests me. Seeing from all points of view without judgment or fear just following the imagination and what might be left out from what is already known. I start backwards.
So I say again. Maybe My dream is the Quest. The quest of wanting knowledge and answers where others say there is none. What I truly know is, ” I Have a Dream!”
Today I am pondering over how my thinking may hinder others because of how abstract my thoughts are. Is this a good or bad thing to creatively force others to question their reasoning. Curiosity would be one word to define me. I question and rework mostly everything I see. I calculate and truly think about why I am doing something when it’s within the routine of my life. I notice signs everywhere….From the colors that are worn by others, the song playing on the radio, the randomness, to what line in the grocery store I happened my way into. In the most simple of ways I find the answers to why. Simply by asking “why”. These two YouTube videos which I found this past weekend made me feel as if maybe, just Maybe….I am on to something big with how I have been able to connect my memories and meld them with memories that are like a machines. hmmmm…..but how to write…. TO BE CONTINUED….!
“Know I choose the beauty of the word “why”…it can jump into our imaginations and give the most delightful visions of the very definition of beautiful (Be-U-fruitful).“~sweetlyfieresoul
Sometimes it feels as if I am a figurine that is kept on the shelf or still in its box for fear of being broken or damaged.
When I was a child my grandma would send me christmas presents like the Holiday collectors Barbie and Cabbage Patch Kids. My mom wouldn’t let me play with them because she knew they were expensive. So she would pack them away in her hope chest.
After much pleading and many years later she finally allowed me to have them. Of course they got dirty and a little roughed up, but they brought so much joy because they were a gift meant for only me. They filled my time with imagination which made me smile.
The Gifts I have been given that reside deep with in are feeling the same way. We are all given something special that was meant for only us to cultivate and grow into something that we then spread to the world in service. In doing this we then share our gift to the world.
Which is our way of saying Thank You to God. ~sweetlyfiercesoul
“Every wish is like a prayer to God“. ~Elizabeth Barrett Browning
If I had the magic gift like Tinker Bell I’d flit into the mind of my friends and family leaving this prescription for happiness.
Stop the habit of wishful thinking and start the habit of thoughtful wishes.
I would sweep away al those dreary office signs that say “Think” for another that shout “WISH”!
Wishes are thoughts that vibrate with life and eager for action. They have the power to produce light and beauty.
It seems like when ever I look up into the night sky I will see a quick stream of light. A shooting star.
Sadly I have always given my wishes to someone else thinking they could use it more than I. Now I know Those stars are for me just as they are for you.
They are a reminder that our dreams are waiting for us to claim and all the blessings to come with.
Start wishing for all the creations you have within your imagination. I did…they are starting to come true more beautifully than I could ever have imagined.