Tears of maybe

Sitting near holding my tears

Telling myself there’s not a thing I should fear

Wishing I could kick my own ass into gear

“Just move” I whisper to myself

Spiraling up and down and all around

Take a breath *sigh.. oh, that helped

Breath in breath out

What was I doing again

Tears hot and heavy still in the corners of my eyes

What just happened

How fast the sadness and confusion comes and goes

A piece here

A piece there

My heart is aching

My spirit misplaced

Work has yet to be started

Messy space

Tired and exhausted

Trying to keep steady with the pace

Cold sweat my thoughts do cause

When did I pause

To be able and willing

changing flaws

Forgetting …….. what was I doing again

Oh well

Wipe the tears

Sit up straight

Just get through the day

Smile

Too many words

Placing themselves within

Hidden away

For when to begin

A gnawing constant

That screams and shouts

Please Lord God ….

Keep my heart.

For today

Maybe I might just fall apart.

~smc

Jealous creeps up and then punched me in the gut. 

Jealousy is a horrible feeling. It causes such destructive thinking.  It’s such a weird emotion for me to comprehend. It’s amazing how fast the craziness started to swell with in me when I saw he had befriended his ex on Facebook.  At first I was like Damn she is fine and of course she’s blonde, blue eyes, is a pro diver in Hawaii has had kids and still in a bikini. Wtf.   But why did these emotions get so strong like I need to be worried….I mean come on it’s is ex from when he was 18. 

Maybe it’s the fact that she was a friend to him when he was learning how to be a man. 4 years in your teens is basically the time where anyone you meet is going to be important in your life.    She helped shape the man I am married to today. For that I thank her. Even if he says he hates her…..why oh why is she on his friends list then.  I can understand  20 years of curiousity  and wanting to see into someone’s life……I feel stupid for thinking this way. 😏