The Canvas 

There is something incredibly real yet magical when staring at a blank canvas. Knowing it will soon be filled with “happy accidents”.  Not just from the paintbrush strokes alone but from the mind. 

The emotions felt before the paint even hit the blank canvas, frustration had started. A few deep breaths and a sigh of release I freed my mind and just went for it.

I sat down after the initial color was placed… staring at the blurred color which hadn’t even been in my thoughts ,yet here it was staring me in the face. What the fuck am I going to do with this.  I was dumbfounded with how many emotions raced over me with such a simple decision. So just like life I just moved forward and kept going. 

With each new color or flick of my wrist a sense of control was shared.  I wanted to let go of the need to make something beautiful, something that makes sense,  what I think my art should be, and just feel myself in my moment.  

Blaming base coats for being to thick, paints for being to thin, the lighting being to  bright, the room being to cold or the tunes that are interrupted by a low WiFi signal were just a few things trying to make it to the canvas in a frustrating way. 

Little by little the picture changed, and of course in a direction I was blinded to.  The inportant part was…. I wasn’t going to walk away from something that I knew was me. Even in all the frustration and ridiculous thoughts, my art was sitting in from of me asking , “please see more”. 

Life is one in the same. Shit happens. Colors like people and situations are painted upon our minds making its way onto our canvas’ of life.  We have choices to make in which we should want more of ourselves. 

Fear should not hinder the art. Do I see mistakes or choices I wish I could alter or change, maybe,  but I worked through to find what was needed. Even turning the canvas in the direction it was calling me to feel it.

No, this painting isn’t finished … it’s started.

That’s what’s so amazing . 


Yucky Grammar

My grammar is horrible.


I’ve been taking on an online class to help with this and I have to say it’s kinda sad just how bad my grammar truly is. I’ve never been a good rule follower which most likely is my issue with The English language and math formulas. I was an antsy child who has dyslexia and changed from a public school to a private school at a critical time in my education.

By the time I was enrolled in the private school (third grade) the kids had been reading fluently by first grade. well, I was screwed. I had yet to learn the rules of this language i was already speaking, and it was tough. I was always  on the “catch up” path when it came to my book  learning.  Even though I didn’t know the rules I followed others words like a melody. I listened for tone and breath change. I found so much more knowledge within the movement of words and phrases that grammar didn’t seem to matter.

So many rules….ugh.

I enjoy the “Yoda speak” that I tend to have. It makes me feel unique and different. Most people are able to understand my writings on an internal level. I’m sure for those who are excellent grammar enthusiast I’m just super annoying. BUT, I like my misused grammar and punctuation craziness.  I enjoy writing what I feel and sometimes a rule of grammar just isn’t wanted with my thoughts.

So with the lessons I am taking….will they change the way I write? Absolutely not, but I will feel more aware of the rules I am breaking and that’s OKAY.