I’ve been pondering over the many years of research I have done and why I am still lagging on putting the information in a recognizable order. It would seem as if I am making it harder on myself than it truly needs to be. Why? Self sabotage has kinda been a hinderance in my life. When ever I am really good at something I tend to cause a wrinkle for myself. Am I scared of losing what I am so good-by the hand of someone else…maybe. Or am I chicken shit? hmmm also maybe. As I look at my bookshelf filled with notebooks of my notes and what would seem useless to anyone other than me, holds true gold. Knowledge of me finding myself within a digital age. Years where I didn’t leave the house because I was trying to cypher the inner workings of a passage that caught my eye…. I think I enjoy the Quest itself. Maybe the reason why I am unable or unwilling to write out what I know is fear of someone saying my quest was a waste of time. Thinking this truly hurts my heart. As it would any artist, musician, or author. This is a SHITTY feeling. Wow…. I don’t want to be scared of someone not understanding or not believing what I create. I want to be bold and unashamed of the ideas and thoughts that are constantly rushing through my veins. Thats when I read this passage from Elbert Hubbard’s Scrapbook. He brought me back to a place where for a moment i dont feel so alone.
Keats’ dream of ” a very pleasant life.”
” I had an idea that a Man might pass a very pleasant life in this manner: Let him on a certain day read a certain page of full Posey or distilled Prose, and let him wander with it, and muse upon it, and reflect from it, and dream upon it: until it becomes stale– But when will it do so? Never– When a man/woman has arrived at a certain ripeness in intellect any one grand and spiritual passage serves him as a starting-post towards all the ‘two-and-thirty Palaces’ How happy is such a voyage of conception, what delicious, diligent indolence !”
Keats’ Explained perfectly how I am feeling….that delicious bounce of joy when something hits a sense that causes everything within starts firing rapidly. I waited for this to get stale and fade away, but it has only gotten strong and more focused. This is what It feels like for me when I find some sort of knowledge that interests me. Seeing from all points of view without judgment or fear just following the imagination and what might be left out from what is already known. I start backwards.
So I say again. Maybe My dream is the Quest. The quest of wanting knowledge and answers where others say there is none. What I truly know is, ” I Have a Dream!”
Today I am pondering over how my thinking may hinder others because of how abstract my thoughts are. Is this a good or bad thing to creatively force others to question their reasoning. Curiosity would be one word to define me. I question and rework mostly everything I see. I calculate and truly think about why I am doing something when it’s within the routine of my life. I notice signs everywhere….From the colors that are worn by others, the song playing on the radio, the randomness, to what line in the grocery store I happened my way into. In the most simple of ways I find the answers to why. Simply by asking “why”. These two YouTube videos which I found this past weekend made me feel as if maybe, just Maybe….I am on to something big with how I have been able to connect my memories and meld them with memories that are like a machines. hmmmm…..but how to write…. TO BE CONTINUED….!
“Know I choose the beauty of the word “why”…it can jump into our imaginations and give the most delightful visions of the very definition of beautiful (Be-U-fruitful).“~sweetlyfieresoul
A few days ago its was Freezing!! then a day later it snowed now it has turned into rain.
A downpour of warm water yet it’s not melting the snow quickly. There is about 2 feet of ice snow then 2 feet of pure cloudy puffy snow. The rain is soaking in like a yummy snow cone. Just don’t eat the yellow colored…*wink
I needed to create a river in the gutter to flow down into the sewer, but the slush was a perfect Slushy consistency. So like a weirdo with my rubber boots and oversized jacket jamming to Beats1 radio on my Ipod I’m literally rowing myself nowhere.
But did I ever create a current for the whole street to be flood free.
I went to the corner to where the grates for the sewer are and shoveled them open. The people driving by slowing down to smile and give me a thumbs up.
It felt good to allow my childish imagination be allowed to explore and fix a problem instead of looking at it like a chore or job.
It made me realize just how much I look at life as a chore. everything that done seems to always have a next step. But while I was out there in the rainy snow I didn’t see any steps to follows….just what I wanted to accomplish.
Something that started out a safety measure for the many kids walking by after school as to not slip and fall…not to mention the postal service the shoveling need to get done, but I was not intending on bailing the road from sinking.
I instantly without even knowing it, my instincts choose the creative free path.
Have you allowed your inner child to help you out when you need a helping hand. I ask myself all the time, “If the little me had to spend the day with the grown up me, would I be inspired”
We must think anew and we must act anew where Abraham Lincolns words as he was facing the greatest crisis that this nation has ever endured: the Civil War.
New thought, new action- how simple that sounds and how difficult it truly is yet so rewarding. Changing the pattern of thinking to meet new conditions or new challenges depends on you.
One day I was walking through the house and came upon a lonely sock just laying on the floor. Now, I deeply stood above the sock thinking of the different ways I could change my way of thinking towards this sock that ultimately needed to be picked up anyways. Why was this moment so clear on how I could fix myself by how I reacted to this stupid sock.
My normal incorrect response to this sock would have been to just step over it knowing I would have to pick it up later along with the other items that have accumulated on the floor from my children being kids.
For the first time in a long time, I truly wanted to pick up this sad looking sock, it wanted to be cleaned and safely tucked in with its mate to be worn a new day.
I used this vision to put into action my “act anew” lifestyle. From that day forth I changed towards who I wanted to be. I lost 100 pounds naturally and healthy which I had fun doing. I was proud of how my growth brought me to such a life changing moment. All within a moment that included a single plain sock and me both upon a cluttered floor. We all need to find a switch of change within ourselves. The first step is changing one thing….anything