Imagination….Oh, So Many Wishes!

Every wish is like a prayer to God“. ~Elizabeth Barrett Browning

 

Imagination

If I had the magic gift like Tinker Bell I’d flit into the mind of my friends and family leaving this prescription for happiness.
Stop the habit of wishful thinking and start the habit of thoughtful wishes.

I would sweep away al those dreary office signs that say “Think” for another that shout “WISH”!

Wishes are thoughts that vibrate with life and eager for action. They have the power to produce light and beauty.
It seems like when ever I look up into the night sky I will see a quick stream of light. A shooting star.

Sadly I have always given my wishes to someone else thinking they could use it more than I. Now I know  Those stars are for me just as they are for you.
They are a reminder that our dreams are waiting for us to claim and all the blessings to come with.

Start wishing for all the creations you have within your imagination. I did…they are starting to come true more beautifully than I could ever have imagined.

~sweetlyfiercesoul

Where’s The Parents Union Rep?! I Need a Vacation!!!

Being a parent is confusing and relentlessly exhausting.  I enjoy each and everyone of my kids.

They are unique in every way. So how am I suppose to parent? What worked for one does not work for the others.  Then I have the older ones telling me I love the younger ones more because they see the discipline doesn’t fit the behavior. Oh my lordt. 😑 What works for one child doesn’t work for the others.  It’s my job as a parent to analyse, decipher, create, and put into action what will work for each child.

 

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Felix

With my oldest son felix [19]

 

 

 

Felixs art

Watercolor by: Felix Castro

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Artwork by: Felix Castro

I explained life like a video game.  He understood the concept of levels and challenges to get to the Boss level.   How some areas in a person’s character needed attributes in areas they were lacking. He actually understood it in a way that he did amazing through his teenage years.  He overcame many situations with the idea of wanting to get to the “boss level”. When he was younger and would throw a fit, I would tell him to draw.He used his art to overcome his emotions.  Now he’s on the path of using his art.

He is kind and thoughtful to everyone he meets. That alone is the biggest most important lesson he could have learned!

 

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Me and Ysabella

Then there is Ysabella [oldest daughter,17].

When she was a baby she hated having her hand-held. She always had to do things herself.  A bit like myself in that way.

But again I tried to explain life the way she would understand it. She is so eager to move out and start her life. So I basically said….”you want to be an adult then, let me see it. Stop acting like a spoiled little girl and start working towards your goals“. I gave her much more freedom as long as she can follow a few simple rules. So with her I had to give freedom and trust.

Be home by curfew, leave a note if your leaving, dishes two days a week, make sure school work is done, and be kind to everyone in the house. She is so empathetic and loving.

😉 she got a great job at the hospital, is doing great in her online high school and is acting much more reliable. (fingers crossed)

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Lilliana

 

Which brings me to the third child. 🤔

Lilliana [13] going on 45. She walks in everyday from school and announces herself, “Mama, Golden child’s home“. No joke, everyday.

So you see where I’m going with this one. 😶

I haven’t figured her out yet.  You would think after 13 years I’d understand the way she ticks…..

She is smart and she knows it. She has always been very grown up in the way she reacts, which scares me at times.

So why can’t she just do the damn dishes. How am I suppose to teach her responsibility.  Her biggest issue today is not doing her two days of dishes. So I gave her the weeks worth…..ugh, again there are dirty dishes in the sink. WHY…..

She comes home from school and sleeps. Then wakes up at midnight does her dishes and home work then back to bed. So technically she is still doing her job, but….she’s a tricky one. The only leverage I have is Wifi.  She gets All A’s in school but needs the devices for school so I can’t take them away. Oh, I  miss the good `ole days before technology.

She truly is Golden….She has so much love and brings the best smiles!

 

That brings me to the younger two.

the brothers

The Brothers

Oliver [8] and Remi [6]

Boys…..need I say more. 😜 They get away with everything.  Probably because they watch YouTube and learn everything they need to know. Plus they are so darn Cute! The energy on these two could light a city up!  I’m exhausted.

So….now that my little rant is over

 

I am just letting the world know, I NEED A VACATION!!!  I haven’t been away from the house in over 5 years.  I love my family, I love being a mom, but I really, really  could use some R&R. Wheres the Parents Union? Wouldn’t that be nice!

Hello….HR Lady…..where are you?

~sweetlyfiercesoul

An Angel of My Very Own.

My Baby I lost became the Angel around me.

 

 As I lay in the emergency room bed.

   I saw the doctor’s face as he came through the sliding glass door. A look that made me feel like all the air in the world had been ripped away from my lips.

A sigh he made, with his head down, trying to avoid direct eye contact with me. A father at that moment I saw in him, from the pained look in his eyes that only a father could show.

   I looked over to my husband and knew, he too felt the news we were about to receive.

Our baby had died.

As the doctor said, “We couldn’t locate the heartbeat”.

It felt as if I, myself had no beating heart. I felt overwhelmed with such grief that I went numb.

I knew it must be for some cosmic reason that this pregnancy came to an end with such quiet intent. We drove home that late night without saying much. My eyes leaking with tears as I tried to be strong not wanting to break down and appear weak in front of my family.

The next day I went to my doctor’s office to have an ultrasound praying all the way that a miracle might happen.

There I saw a perfect little baby curled up within mine.

He would have been my fourth child, who we named Kenji.

I was told that his heart stopped beating maybe a week before.

She was amazed at how perfect he still seemed to be, all safe and cozy inside. If she didn’t know for certain his heart were not beating she would have said he’s picture perfect.

My body had not yet started to reject this life that once was.

I was told my options, of what could be done next. They could remove his tiny lemon sized body or I could allow nature to take its course. I decided to let my body release him when it was ready.

Well, two weeks went by and nothing. No pain, no bleeding….nothing.

Had they been wrong?  

So again into the doctors I went. Again with another ultrasound.

Again there he was just as perfect as he was the weeks before, frozen in time, but sadly no heart beat was heard.

They couldn’t say for sure why my body was acting as if nothing had happened, but unlike all my emotions in which the plan of pretending made everything okay.

I couldn’t fake this pain away.   Something now had to be done. My emotional and physical state all telling me I was still pregnant was too much to bear.

I chose to get the surgery so I could start to heal. A decision which was very hard to make.

Two days later….

As I waiting for the operation to start I again asked to see once more this baby inside that I would never hold, never smell his magical breath, or feel his soft skin. I would never hear him cry that I might comfort him. I needed to make sure one last time his heart beat no more. 

He truly was gone. I would now have to say good-bye for real.

When I awoke from the surgery the emotional pain that weld up inside exploded without warning.

I sobbed like never before as I held my womb, I gasped a low airy breath, releasing the words, “my baby” as I knew he was no more inside me.

He would be 9 this year and quite the handful I am sure. I can see his smile and crazy hair as he runs through the door. A smile just for me, his mama. In those visions he lives Perfect as perfect can be.

Yes, it was hard to get through these emotions.  It’s most difficult when I say I have 5 children because really I have six.

He was real and he did live.

His beating heart I once heard and continue to hear. He’s with me everyday.  

An angel of my very own which my body once held.

Never will you be forgotten my little one for it’s you who allowed me to grieve for the life that was lost in me.

My tears of sadness did finally flow allowing tears of joy to grow.

Thank you Kenji! 

Love you,  Mama

A Gift was Found to Be…..

We all possess amazing and truly mighty gifts.

We can master many talents with knowledge

Yet our hearts continue to achieve in vain

Still longing for a resinating musical

sound we before have not heard

When I found myself as a gift

I found the fruit of my self-control

Being Self aware

In Love

Gave me the note in need

That sweet sound

That I myself am the gift meant to be seen

You are a Gift

Shine in all Glory!

A Heavenly Sigh

Growing up in a Bible believing home is something I am forever grateful for yet am saddened by the firm approach in which it was forced on me.

My faith does not come from a book or place of worship, but from deep within me. Its an ever-present voice that guides and nurtures me right where I am.  No special rituals or songs need be heard, but my simple sigh. In my breath flows the spirit of me.

I am hesitant to write about what I believe because I want others to be able to see God as real and artistic as I do. Yet most shy away because of the guilt and shame we have been taught to associate God with.

I want my story to include how I see God or as I call Him, my creator, my love.

I see Him in all different ways, a scientist who is watching and calculating trying to improve on a spiritual level.

An artist, giving each one of us an image alike to his own but all our own.

A father, loving and guiding with a firm yet gentle hand.

A teacher, wanting to give us all the information needed to perfect ourselves.

A leader, armies of angels he commands for our ultimate well-being.

A conductor, each of us making a sound as we move making the most beautiful tune.

Most of all….My Friend.

Maybe I will never be able to capture the words needed to describe such a god, but I would not be able to remain true to myself if I did not try. For He has not only shown me miracles but allowed me to be the miracle in more ways than one.

I am not the normal in the most who believe. I am not ashamed to say I have been wrong and messed up royally along my way, and know I will again mess up in the future in some sort of way.

Knowing and believing that no matter what my choices and thoughts may be, I am loyal to the spirit which lives in me which will never leave.  For I am Him and He is me.

Be curious.

Wouldn’t you want your creation to live and see all that has been given?.

To say hello….just *sigh

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sweet Aloneness

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Sitting high up in that Maple tree.Watching the cars drive by knowing they couldn’t see me.The feeling of being high above all my problems and sadness.The sun giving the warmth and brightness of pure peace. The wind flowing and caressing my face which felt as if I was being kissed by God.

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Climbing the tree to reach my little spot high above hidden in the canopy was a journey only I could perceive to achieve, my award….was the safe aloneness to be myself.S

I knew I was safe, safe away from others knowing where I was. Knowing I was the only one there in that big maple tree.

There was a power to being alone.

I didn’t have to play a part in anyone’s story, but my own.

My imagination was full and free to create whole worlds with the people passing by to give inspiration.

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High up in that true place of oneness with myself.
Watching the ants go about their work along the branches.
The birds soaring the thermals that are ever present above my home.
I was watching a living breathing world of art that felt all my own.
My thoughts-My Voice- My visions-Me

Hoping to stay there unnoticed for as long as I could.

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Not wanting to be confined by the voices of others who couldn’t understand me.

Who wouldn’t take the time to really see me.

Petals, Implement, Vision, Party, and Parrots

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Random words that spew from the thoughts racing through the fabric of my mind.

I often have crazy thoughts, but they all seem to share an important part of the main link to my soul. As a writer, it’s my job to become what that link leads to.

For in that place, I will not only find myself but am then able to share a piece of you that has found a home in me.