The Canvas 

There is something incredibly real yet magical when staring at a blank canvas. Knowing it will soon be filled with “happy accidents”.  Not just from the paintbrush strokes alone but from the mind. 

The emotions felt before the paint even hit the blank canvas, frustration had started. A few deep breaths and a sigh of release I freed my mind and just went for it.

I sat down after the initial color was placed… staring at the blurred color which hadn’t even been in my thoughts ,yet here it was staring me in the face. What the fuck am I going to do with this.  I was dumbfounded with how many emotions raced over me with such a simple decision. So just like life I just moved forward and kept going. 

With each new color or flick of my wrist a sense of control was shared.  I wanted to let go of the need to make something beautiful, something that makes sense,  what I think my art should be, and just feel myself in my moment.  

Blaming base coats for being to thick, paints for being to thin, the lighting being to  bright, the room being to cold or the tunes that are interrupted by a low WiFi signal were just a few things trying to make it to the canvas in a frustrating way. 

Little by little the picture changed, and of course in a direction I was blinded to.  The inportant part was…. I wasn’t going to walk away from something that I knew was me. Even in all the frustration and ridiculous thoughts, my art was sitting in from of me asking , “please see more”. 

Life is one in the same. Shit happens. Colors like people and situations are painted upon our minds making its way onto our canvas’ of life.  We have choices to make in which we should want more of ourselves. 

Fear should not hinder the art. Do I see mistakes or choices I wish I could alter or change, maybe,  but I worked through to find what was needed. Even turning the canvas in the direction it was calling me to feel it.

No, this painting isn’t finished … it’s started.

That’s what’s so amazing . 

~Shawnna

Sweet Aloneness

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Sitting high up in that Maple tree.Watching the cars drive by knowing they couldn’t see me.The feeling of being high above all my problems and sadness.The sun giving the warmth and brightness of pure peace. The wind flowing and caressing my face which felt as if I was being kissed by God.

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Climbing the tree to reach my little spot high above hidden in the canopy was a journey only I could perceive to achieve, my award….was the safe aloneness to be myself.S

I knew I was safe, safe away from others knowing where I was. Knowing I was the only one there in that big maple tree.

There was a power to being alone.

I didn’t have to play a part in anyone’s story, but my own.

My imagination was full and free to create whole worlds with the people passing by to give inspiration.

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High up in that true place of oneness with myself.
Watching the ants go about their work along the branches.
The birds soaring the thermals that are ever present above my home.
I was watching a living breathing world of art that felt all my own.
My thoughts-My Voice- My visions-Me

Hoping to stay there unnoticed for as long as I could.

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Not wanting to be confined by the voices of others who couldn’t understand me.

Who wouldn’t take the time to really see me.

Hiding Within Myself.

Broken down into tiny pieces unable to be whole again-cracks and chips keep me from being used completely.

How sad I am. That I am the only, still unused but abused version of me.

How many more days must I endure this feeling of emptiness?

Dark and Alone all broken in and out.

Doesn’t someone still see the beauty which I could be?

If only someone took the time and patience to truly restore the hidden me.

I know God is watching and asking me to be patient to trust that He has a plan.

Even here in my alone place of brokenness. A place where I know He will mend me and not just fix me but He will Create a whole New Me with the broken pieces in my hands.

I ask and ask…. yet I feel sad because no help is being sent to aid with the dents of my persistence..

Here I will wait within the safety of my hurts and pains….waiting for the day  when my Brokenness turns into Brilliance. For then I will share the Joys of of Hiding within Myself.

For it was in this place I FOUND The Beauty I was meant to be.

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Hiding Within Myself. Artwork By:TheSweetlyFierceSoul