Tears of maybe

Sitting near holding my tears

Telling myself there’s not a thing I should fear

Wishing I could kick my own ass into gear

“Just move” I whisper to myself

Spiraling up and down and all around

Take a breath *sigh.. oh, that helped

Breath in breath out

What was I doing again

Tears hot and heavy still in the corners of my eyes

What just happened

How fast the sadness and confusion comes and goes

A piece here

A piece there

My heart is aching

My spirit misplaced

Work has yet to be started

Messy space

Tired and exhausted

Trying to keep steady with the pace

Cold sweat my thoughts do cause

When did I pause

To be able and willing

changing flaws

Forgetting …….. what was I doing again

Oh well

Wipe the tears

Sit up straight

Just get through the day

Smile

Too many words

Placing themselves within

Hidden away

For when to begin

A gnawing constant

That screams and shouts

Please Lord God ….

Keep my heart.

For today

Maybe I might just fall apart.

~smc

Thursday Again….

Thursday … worst day ever or so it seems to play out as. It’s a day where no matter how hard I try to wake the children they just grumble instead. It’s the type of day that seems to steal all my left shoes, coffee creamer was placed in the fridge only to be empty, there are bagels but dagnabit where’s the smear πŸ€¦πŸ½β€β™€οΈ.

It’s the little things that tend to build up all week and then ….😩”F*ck, it’s Thursday”. Lol

The one thing I can say for sure is: “Aint nothing or no one gonna steal my joy”! So to you Thursday , have a glorious day, but next week could you please be a tad kinder and maybe try a little gentleness with your approach.

Thank you ever so much ,

~Shawnna

~SMILEπŸ˜‚πŸ˜ƒπŸ˜œ

This Soul Of Ours

Started at the top

Thrown to the bottom

Rose up through the middle

Healing the sorrowful memories from yesteryears

A little child forever inside

With the laughter of a world free and clear of the burdens

For she has seen visions of air

Grace and Faith go hand-in-hand

For her well is never dry

Tears fall from her eyes as if she needed to taste the salt of the sea to be alive

In peaceful silent she sits

Waiting for the ground to shake

Waking those looking for light

Truth she speaks with a flare of amusement…

Music she sees

In movements of words

She is art and all its delights

Won’t you wake for her tonight

A smile she gives

A little giggle

A shy grin

When you meet her lift her up

Give her all she desires

For her soul is also with yours.

~Shawnna

Strange dream

Just awake from a short nap. The dream I awoke from should have been seriously scary during yet I made it through.

I was shot in the neck. We were at a big extended family party of sorts. As I was walking by the garage a hooded man raised a gun. Next I was reaching for my neck As i could feel the warmth of the blood. My neck felt hard as it pulsed. The blood like thick hot goo as it gushed down my arm. I remember think “aww shit, well this sucks”.

Remi (one of my children) ended up dancing by, he saw me and instantly ran for help. Things turned cartoony as it showed β€œwhat happens when a child goes for help”…. it showed him dancing around a playground, jumping over obstacles, kinda of silly. As it was a dream.

Anywhos….

I was unable to yell or talk above a whisper.

I tried texting others for help but the auto correct kept changing my words to emojis. (Poop and cow) πŸ€¦β€β™€οΈ

Then my mom came out and she had her brave face on, yet doubtful. I was the one who tried to reassure her I wasn’t going to die, typical me. She cried as she prayed over me. I kept thinking, hello I’m fine I could just use some blood and all will be okay it’s just a little hole in my neck.

My vision was going in and out as if lights were being flickered. My chest started getting tight as my breaths were getting shorter. I knew I needed to stay awake as I kept my finger in my neck. Where was the ambulance and why does shit like this all ways happen to me, I just wanted a cold drink from the plethora of coolers. 😊

I awoke as if I pulled myself from under the concrete. That feel of being hit by a bus , nah…. smooshed would be the more accurate feeling. I would say this was a nightmare but I wasn’t scared, wasn’t worried, just more frustrated from all the little quirks happening not allowing for help to come. Freaky… umm yeah just a bit. Strange Monday this be.

Be safe !!!

πŸ˜‡ ~Shawnna

Hmm… random.

Ever have one of those days where change is a mandatory action that is so badly needed?..

Yeah, had one of those and this was the result. The only change that seemed doable was the release of the yolks for breakfast, but then my eggs seemed to take form into a visual reminder of my mood. 😏 anywho… this too shall pass.