“To be alone with silence is to be alone with God” ~Samuel Miler Hageman
Something that is enjoyed!
Usually the senses bring in so much sight, sound and other things to us that they occupy most of our time.
But to sit in silence now and then, with the outside world withheld, means to cut all this off and free the mind so that it can become itself.
I’ve been asked, “You just sit and think?”
Well…, No,….not exactly,
Thinking involves words which are echos of sound from memories deep within.
I am meaning,… detaching the mind from all the outside activity so that in senses there is nothing there but itself.
There is a great amount of power in this kind of silence.
Trying to describe it would be pointless since we each have our own interpretation of this state of being.. My answer would be to try it yourself.
So much time and energy are being wasted when we allow the echos of the outside world to invade our inner silence.
The word meditation in my opinion is a middle state of being.
Kinda alike a cruise control for the mind. Once you know you’re safe in a lane which is wanted you allow yourself to switch on the cruise control, the same is done when you want the silence of mind.
In this space you can and will find yourself.
Safely tucked away waiting to be rediscovered by you.
The silence is Yourself in the most pure form of Just…., Being.
Learn who you truly are, beyond all the noise, quiet the consciousness which is forever yourself.
The only way to know the peace this brings is to try it yourself.
Much Love and Peace !!!
Today I am pondering over how my thinking may hinder others because of how abstract my thoughts are. Is this a good or bad thing to creatively force others to question their reasoning. Curiosity would be one word to define me. I question and rework mostly everything I see. I calculate and truly think about why I am doing something when it’s within the routine of my life. I notice signs everywhere….From the colors that are worn by others, the song playing on the radio, the randomness, to what line in the grocery store I happened my way into. In the most simple of ways I find the answers to why. Simply by asking “why”. These two YouTube videos which I found this past weekend made me feel as if maybe, just Maybe….I am on to something big with how I have been able to connect my memories and meld them with memories that are like a machines. hmmmm…..but how to write…. TO BE CONTINUED….!
“Know I choose the beauty of the word “why”…it can jump into our imaginations and give the most delightful visions of the very definition of beautiful (Be-U-fruitful).“~sweetlyfieresoul
Sometimes it feels as if I am a figurine that is kept on the shelf or still in its box for fear of being broken or damaged.
When I was a child my grandma would send me christmas presents like the Holiday collectors Barbie and Cabbage Patch Kids. My mom wouldn’t let me play with them because she knew they were expensive. So she would pack them away in her hope chest.
After much pleading and many years later she finally allowed me to have them. Of course they got dirty and a little roughed up, but they brought so much joy because they were a gift meant for only me. They filled my time with imagination which made me smile.
The Gifts I have been given that reside deep with in are feeling the same way. We are all given something special that was meant for only us to cultivate and grow into something that we then spread to the world in service. In doing this we then share our gift to the world.
Which is our way of saying Thank You to God. ~sweetlyfiercesoul
“O wad some Pow’r the giftie gie us to see oursels as ithers see us!”
“Sometimes we find a clue in some chance remark made by an old friend.
Maybe something we’ve read sparks a glimpse of who we really are.
Fleeting thoughts which we meditate on through out the day
Bringing us closer to who we are.
Bit by bit self-knowledge grows.
An Awareness of all things, “self”
It does not come easy and perhaps this very awareness of the difficulty sustains us,
Spurs us on toward the ever receding goal.
For the self-knowledge we seek
rising above our social vanities and pride and the impressions we make is a full-time, lifelong job.”
Twilight was misty and cold in California that night as I stood outside my father’s house. I was 16 holding only a small brown leather purse with a few dollars. I Stared at the unlit door, knowing once again I had disappointed my family. I thought about what would happen once I walked in late for curfew once more.
My step mother would yell and a call would be made to what ever part of the world my father happen to be for his job. I could imagine the look on their faces; disappointment and Anger. But it was the faces of my younger half sisters that caused me to delay walking in.
Knowing they would hear the fighting and be awoken from their dreams. That me, their bigger sister had been the cause of their life turning upside down for the past 8 months since I moved in.
Right then and there I decided to walk away. Where would I go?
My grandmother lived just across the Street yet I had once already been dragged from her house. Being told my home was through that unlit door.
My mother and step father 3000 miles away. What was I doing?
In my twisted teenage mind, I thought I was saving them. Saving them from myself. The only way I knew to protect their hearts was to remove the problem, which was me.
So into the night I walked without saying goodbye, without looking back.
My heart-broken for the house light that wasn’t lit.
If they only knew just how much that light would have meant to me.
Maybe. Just maybe I wouldn’t have followed the street lights that promised a home.
As I lay in the emergency room bed.
I saw the doctor’s face as he came through the sliding glass door. A look that made me feel like all the air in the world had been ripped away from my lips.
A sigh he made, with his head down, trying to avoid direct eye contact with me. A father at that moment I saw in him, from the pained look in his eyes that only a father could show.
I looked over to my husband and knew, he too felt the news we were about to receive.
Our baby had died.
As the doctor said, “We couldn’t locate the heartbeat”.
It felt as if I, myself had no beating heart. I felt overwhelmed with such grief that I went numb.
I knew it must be for some cosmic reason that this pregnancy came to an end with such quiet intent. We drove home that late night without saying much. My eyes leaking with tears as I tried to be strong not wanting to break down and appear weak in front of my family.
The next day I went to my doctor’s office to have an ultrasound praying all the way that a miracle might happen.
There I saw a perfect little baby curled up within mine.
He would have been my fourth child, who we named Kenji.
I was told that his heart stopped beating maybe a week before.
She was amazed at how perfect he still seemed to be, all safe and cozy inside. If she didn’t know for certain his heart were not beating she would have said he’s picture perfect.
My body had not yet started to reject this life that once was.
I was told my options, of what could be done next. They could remove his tiny lemon sized body or I could allow nature to take its course. I decided to let my body release him when it was ready.
Well, two weeks went by and nothing. No pain, no bleeding….nothing.
Had they been wrong?
So again into the doctors I went. Again with another ultrasound.
Again there he was just as perfect as he was the weeks before, frozen in time, but sadly no heart beat was heard.
They couldn’t say for sure why my body was acting as if nothing had happened, but unlike all my emotions in which the plan of pretending made everything okay.
I couldn’t fake this pain away. Something now had to be done. My emotional and physical state all telling me I was still pregnant was too much to bear.
I chose to get the surgery so I could start to heal. A decision which was very hard to make.
Two days later….
As I waiting for the operation to start I again asked to see once more this baby inside that I would never hold, never smell his magical breath, or feel his soft skin. I would never hear him cry that I might comfort him. I needed to make sure one last time his heart beat no more.
He truly was gone. I would now have to say good-bye for real.
When I awoke from the surgery the emotional pain that weld up inside exploded without warning.
I sobbed like never before as I held my womb, I gasped a low airy breath, releasing the words, “my baby” as I knew he was no more inside me.
He would be 9 this year and quite the handful I am sure. I can see his smile and crazy hair as he runs through the door. A smile just for me, his mama. In those visions he lives Perfect as perfect can be.
Yes, it was hard to get through these emotions. It’s most difficult when I say I have 5 children because really I have six.
He was real and he did live.
His beating heart I once heard and continue to hear. He’s with me everyday.
An angel of my very own which my body once held.
Never will you be forgotten my little one for it’s you who allowed me to grieve for the life that was lost in me.
My tears of sadness did finally flow allowing tears of joy to grow.
Thank you Kenji!
Love you, Mama