The Canvas 

There is something incredibly real yet magical when staring at a blank canvas. Knowing it will soon be filled with “happy accidents”.  Not just from the paintbrush strokes alone but from the mind. 

The emotions felt before the paint even hit the blank canvas, frustration had started. A few deep breaths and a sigh of release I freed my mind and just went for it.

I sat down after the initial color was placed… staring at the blurred color which hadn’t even been in my thoughts ,yet here it was staring me in the face. What the fuck am I going to do with this.  I was dumbfounded with how many emotions raced over me with such a simple decision. So just like life I just moved forward and kept going. 

With each new color or flick of my wrist a sense of control was shared.  I wanted to let go of the need to make something beautiful, something that makes sense,  what I think my art should be, and just feel myself in my moment.  

Blaming base coats for being to thick, paints for being to thin, the lighting being to  bright, the room being to cold or the tunes that are interrupted by a low WiFi signal were just a few things trying to make it to the canvas in a frustrating way. 

Little by little the picture changed, and of course in a direction I was blinded to.  The inportant part was…. I wasn’t going to walk away from something that I knew was me. Even in all the frustration and ridiculous thoughts, my art was sitting in from of me asking , “please see more”. 

Life is one in the same. Shit happens. Colors like people and situations are painted upon our minds making its way onto our canvas’ of life.  We have choices to make in which we should want more of ourselves. 

Fear should not hinder the art. Do I see mistakes or choices I wish I could alter or change, maybe,  but I worked through to find what was needed. Even turning the canvas in the direction it was calling me to feel it.

No, this painting isn’t finished … it’s started.

That’s what’s so amazing . 

~Shawnna

Where’s The Parents Union Rep?! I Need a Vacation!!!

Being a parent is confusing and relentlessly exhausting.  I enjoy each and everyone of my kids.

They are unique in every way. So how am I suppose to parent? What worked for one does not work for the others.  Then I have the older ones telling me I love the younger ones more because they see the discipline doesn’t fit the behavior. Oh my lordt. 😑 What works for one child doesn’t work for the others.  It’s my job as a parent to analyse, decipher, create, and put into action what will work for each child.

 

felix

Felix

With my oldest son felix [19]

 

 

 

Felixs art

Watercolor by: Felix Castro

felix artwork

Artwork by: Felix Castro

I explained life like a video game.  He understood the concept of levels and challenges to get to the Boss level.   How some areas in a person’s character needed attributes in areas they were lacking. He actually understood it in a way that he did amazing through his teenage years.  He overcame many situations with the idea of wanting to get to the “boss level”. When he was younger and would throw a fit, I would tell him to draw.He used his art to overcome his emotions.  Now he’s on the path of using his art.

He is kind and thoughtful to everyone he meets. That alone is the biggest most important lesson he could have learned!

 

bella and I

Me and Ysabella

Then there is Ysabella [oldest daughter,17].

When she was a baby she hated having her hand-held. She always had to do things herself.  A bit like myself in that way.

But again I tried to explain life the way she would understand it. She is so eager to move out and start her life. So I basically said….”you want to be an adult then, let me see it. Stop acting like a spoiled little girl and start working towards your goals“. I gave her much more freedom as long as she can follow a few simple rules. So with her I had to give freedom and trust.

Be home by curfew, leave a note if your leaving, dishes two days a week, make sure school work is done, and be kind to everyone in the house. She is so empathetic and loving.

😉 she got a great job at the hospital, is doing great in her online high school and is acting much more reliable. (fingers crossed)

image

Lilliana

 

Which brings me to the third child. 🤔

Lilliana [13] going on 45. She walks in everyday from school and announces herself, “Mama, Golden child’s home“. No joke, everyday.

So you see where I’m going with this one. 😶

I haven’t figured her out yet.  You would think after 13 years I’d understand the way she ticks…..

She is smart and she knows it. She has always been very grown up in the way she reacts, which scares me at times.

So why can’t she just do the damn dishes. How am I suppose to teach her responsibility.  Her biggest issue today is not doing her two days of dishes. So I gave her the weeks worth…..ugh, again there are dirty dishes in the sink. WHY…..

She comes home from school and sleeps. Then wakes up at midnight does her dishes and home work then back to bed. So technically she is still doing her job, but….she’s a tricky one. The only leverage I have is Wifi.  She gets All A’s in school but needs the devices for school so I can’t take them away. Oh, I  miss the good `ole days before technology.

She truly is Golden….She has so much love and brings the best smiles!

 

That brings me to the younger two.

the brothers

The Brothers

Oliver [8] and Remi [6]

Boys…..need I say more. 😜 They get away with everything.  Probably because they watch YouTube and learn everything they need to know. Plus they are so darn Cute! The energy on these two could light a city up!  I’m exhausted.

So….now that my little rant is over

 

I am just letting the world know, I NEED A VACATION!!!  I haven’t been away from the house in over 5 years.  I love my family, I love being a mom, but I really, really  could use some R&R. Wheres the Parents Union? Wouldn’t that be nice!

Hello….HR Lady…..where are you?

~sweetlyfiercesoul

Oh,Happy Happy day to Me.

“For the first time in a long time I can say that I am stoked about this day!

I am excited to say that I have made it 37 years!  Holy Shite !! Did I really say that number aloud?!

My birthday has never been a day I really looked forward to. The annoying high-pitched voices of others invading my personal space with their wishes for me and my big day. Expecting me to be just as excited.

A cheeky grin I’d give hoping to satisfy their need to be praised for remembering me on 1 of 365 days.

Maybe it’s because I have five kids. So much sugar

Yeah, have you seen a child on cake and ice cream. (just have a look)

Sure, sign me up for that dose of reality on my supposive fantastic day. (don’t piss on my head and tell me it’s raining) 😉

Knowing I’d be the one to pick every piece of confetti off the floor.  Nah…..I’m good.

I never really understood the importance of making such a fuss. It’s exhausting.

But this year I am excited for myself. I may not jump up and down clicking my heels, but I can honestly say I’m Happy this day birthed me.

The Birthday Almanac has this to say about me:

Inventive, Easygoing, and Unconventional

Original Thinkers Original Thinker I Am

    “Given that January 27 people have a masculine polarity that removes their inhibitions, an inventive element in air, and a ruling planet that encourages unconventional thinking, it is almost inevitable that they should be original thinkers. Their fixed nature makes them stick to their guns, too. They can be unyielding to the point of mutiny, especially when challenged, thanks to the interaction between their quadruplicity, Uranus, and their polarity. Their easygoing airy charm normally prevails however.”

Famous Births: 

Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart (1756); Lewis Carroll (1832); Wilhelm II (1888); Samuel Ting (1936)Brilliant Minds born on January 27

Wow, such brilliant minds share this day with me.  So on the first day of starting my 37th year, I choose to be Brilliant.   I choose to loosen the grip of  gloomy conformity that has been placed upon me.  I want to be excited, I want to leap for joy at the many blessings I’ve been given. I want to be okay with seeing the beauty in the unusual.  For what is light without the night.  I choose the medium in which my voice is raw from anticipation of what might come.

Today on this day I am okay with being me.  -Shawnna okay with being me

Giver of Thought

Giver of Thought

Boundaries set for easy flow with others

Only seeing the good in you

My imagination is my biggest test yet most beautiful resource.

Every moment bringing in more data of a fastly moving world before me.

My mind instantly uploaded into the air

Braided with yours

Knowing my fears will not become your nightmares

Your fears leave with me, safely placed with mine

Love you feel within a still small place

The fears become the artwork of my imagination

Seeing all that is true and raw

As I pull through my mind I see you

In that truth I am free.

 

I want the voice I give with words to be received with an interpretation in love and thought.  Uplifting for all who encounter me. Without judgment and a willingness to grow. A passion for people and the energy we generate with words brings about a beautiful reaction.

Holding All of Me

 

A green meadow filled with lavender and grace

Beauty surrounds all that is

Sadness flows throughout like death

Is there no heart that can be unbroken

Allow the pain

Cease to exist

Something scary and new is coming

Hide, hide
Artwork by:Shawnna Castro